Tag Archives: pyramids

Stored Procedures in Neo4j Are NOT Evil

Some of you may be too young to remember this, but writing your application logic in Stored Procedures was all the rage back in the day (PG devs you wouldn’t understand). That is mostly because they were typically written by consultants from IBM and Oracle that cost a fortune and told you to do it this way. Eventually people wised up and realized they (both) sucked and as all things in Software Development, the pendulum swung the other way and people started treating databases like dumb storage. A 15 year old blog post from Jeff Atwood lists some of the problems:

  1. Written in T-SQL/PL-SQL, not a real programming language.
  2. Cannot be debugged in the same IDE
  3. Little to no feedback when things go wrong
  4. Can’t pass objects.
  5. No idea what a proc is doing

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Graphs and Pyramids

Question: Do you want to get Rich?
I’ll answer for you: “Yes!”

Follow along with this blog series and if it doesn’t make you rich, you can go back to your youtube videos, you can go back to watching Tiger King on Netflix, you can go back to your crappy life. Let’s continue.

Question: Are you poor? dumb? ugly? do you make bad decisions?
I’ll answer for you: “Yes!”.

If you were not poor, you would be on a yacht in Ibiza and not reading my blog. If you were not dumb you would be doing whatever it is smart people do, I wouldn’t know but I’m pretty sure it’s not reading my blog. If you were not ugly you would be in Paris or Milan murdering the runway instead of reading my blog. If you didn’t make bad decisions you wouldn’t have decided to read my blog which just made you feel sad about your life. See where I’m going with this?

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